


Blessed it be your name and yours alone

by lilac_whimsey



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2065836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilac_whimsey/pseuds/lilac_whimsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They part tomorrow, but Lon'qu imagines all the destinations he might travel from here to home, but in the end, he felt that they would all lead back to Libra.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blessed it be your name and yours alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_everliving_ghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_everliving_ghost/gifts).



> Avoids IOTT chapter 3, and spends all this time writing this for Jade instead, hahahaah yeahhhh, I'm trash.

War made men weary. It came in aches and bruises, blood and broken bones.

The foretold future had been unmade by rough hands. Victory had been assured, the dawn of a peaceful era would begin, the troops had already begun to march out back home. They should have been celebrating, generations of people would no longer be troubled by Grima, but at what cost? 

A friend lost, but would one day be found, until then they all kept their hopes up.

It all felt surreal, but Libra, the monk, still fervently prayed in silence and suffering, having sent all he had to give and well wishes to the souls he had personally departed on the battlefield. This much Libra could do for the pain he had caused.

Lon’qu knew because he would pretend to be asleep during the middle of the night when the blond said his prayers. The only condolence he could give was, “Necessary evils.”

But at the end of the day, blood was still drawn and another soldier wouldn't be coming home to their family. They were both guilty of this crime. Lon’qu, on the other hand, could not ask for forgiveness because there was no taking back a slash of a sword, or a stab to the gut. He was a creature made to kill, there are no apologies that could mend what he had done.

Now that the war was over, and they were hailed as heroes, but for what?

At the end of the day they all go back to the same tents and lay in bed thinking of what new sins they've carried.

All Lon’qu could do for Libra now was some physical relief, to make the other man forget a little while of all the things they've done and what was waiting for them outside these canvas tent walls. As flimsy as their relationship might seem, Lon’qu put strength into every kiss to make sure Libra was still in his arms. Because every moment spent with the other man was a moment alive waiting when Lon’qu would meet Libra next.

Most days they were grateful to the pain that lingered in their bones, because it meant that they were still here for another day. They had survived living legends and made some of their own.

Lon’qu tended to count the number of black and blue bruises painting white skin, fingertips trailing lightly with permission because Libra wouldn’t be able to stand another’s touch otherwise. It could be called ironic that a man like Lon’qu who was renown for his distaste for the female company let alone touch would crave intimacy with someone who was hesitant to touch him in return.

But he no longer found complicit pleasures in just holding Libra’s rough hands. The searching need for more, to feel, to know and memorize the other’s bodies was a pressing one. To remember that the other man was well and alive today in a sea of piling dead bodies.

Lon’qu had long grown used to the pleasant hum of their joined bodies and whispered psalms into his ear. He did not believe in Libra’s gods, but found new ones in the other man’s skin, and through the soft sighs of his lips. But there is shame in the blond’s eyes, so Lon’qu does his best not to meet them.

They had never put their relationship in official pretenses. Lon’qu could say he loved Libra, but the other man never acknowledged what had happened between the two during the day. Like Libra had regretted yearning for him, and that slight had stung, but Lon’qu continued to sleep with the blond anyways.

There hadn’t been a particular beginning to when they had begun to see each other. They had come together by coincidence and stayed that way but the end of these sweet pretendings was drawing near.

With the end of this war, the trek home eventually became a blur of passing villages and large fields, and goodbyes to old friends. The days began to drift by, people slipping away one by one at every stop and port. Cherche and Virion had already for their home country overseas. Others already making plans to return to a permanent place they called home with false promises to keep contact.

These good byes had become frequent and rapid, soon Lon’qu would also depart from new found friends and comrades. More than anything he would have to say goodbye to the blond.

After all they both had a duty to uphold in different warring states, and this was whom Libra and Lon’qu were, bound to meet under the pretense of this war, and fated to separate once they were no longer entangled under the call to war.

The other man would return to his orphanage in Ylisse, and Lon’qu to his master’s side in Regna Ferox.

The precession had finally reached the capital, stopping to celebrate well into the darkening skies. Meaning one last single goodbye to give before they departed.

So tonight Lon’qu kissed with new meaning because he wanted Libra to know even for a short time, that he was beloved. Even if the other did not know the feelings behind such fervor. All Lon’qu could hope for was to steal a little of Libra’s warmth for the road.

Because there stood a day that Lon’qu would no longer recall the way the other man said his name. That one day hearing the other’s might have no longer any sentimental meaning, and he wouldn’t be able to remember the stark feeling that would come with each memory.

One time Libra had offered a sketch of himself, a sure jest, for Lon’qu to take back home. But pictures would not do the beauty justice because Libra was so much more than a painted colored canvas and there was no use staring at things you couldn’t have.

There would come a day where they would find someone different, another person that Lon’qu might be able to say he loved. Perhaps they would get married one day, and settle day with that perfect life that everyone strived for, with a moderate house, spouse to come home to, and kids to entertain. That entire life, but with someone else, and one day Lon’qu would be a passing fancy to pass the time during the war.

So Lon’qu is desperate, desperate for what exactly he isn’t sure. To say that he loved the other man now would be an incredibly selfish thing to do, why would he wait until the last possible moment to say all these impossible things. But if he were more selfless he would stop coming to Libra’s tent in the first place.

So tonight he tasted old scars and new with new found passion.

Please, please, please Naga and whatever gods there may be, allow these feelings to be felt.

The other man looked flustered at the strength of Lon’qu administration with heavy breathing and finished with a trembling sigh, “...Naga bless thee.”

At that moment, Lon’qu felt the rush of pent of frustration and heaviness snap under the duress of that weight. He forced Libra’s face towards his, made him stare back into Lon’qu’s eyes so he knew this was true. That he couldn’t lie to Naga and lie underneath the Feroxi man at the same time.

“Would you stop that?!”

“Lon’qu… stop what?” The look of trepidation was apparent on Libra’s face, and in that Lon’qu knew that the other knew… knew that the brunet loved him and Libra dared to deny it for as long as he could.

“You… you are a pious liar! You knew! You knew all this time!”

Libra pushed away Lon’qu’s hands and untangled their limbs, turning away from him. Pale back covered in scars, starting from the base of the other man’s neck. Lon’qu belated remembered how he knew the story behind each one, and different meanings they had to the monk.

“…I…”

They sat there in tense silence, before Lon’qu bursted out again, “You aren’t the only one scared you know! I am too! I used to dream of days, where this would all come to an end, but now I do not know any longer how to exist without this kind of fight! These moments in between make me falter, as if a new tragedy might strike and new lives would be lost! But I found strength when I am with you, do you not see me?!”

Libra retorted, “Of course I see you, did I not watch your form through every battle and beckon you to my bed?”

“Oh but you were unprepared for the consequences that may come, even though you’ve already faced a lifetime of hurt. But it never stopped you from hurting even when you expected the pain. And I am that consequence you can’t bare to look at. How could you see me when you aren’t even facing me, damn it?!”

When Libra did turn around, he met Lon’qu’s lips with renewed passion, try to distract him from heavy conversation. But Lon’qu is ardent for a man who does not speak much to have this talk.

“Libra!”

“Please stop, why are you still pursuing this topic? Do not make a big deal than there needs to be about this, can we not just go back to what we were doing?”

“Don’t play the fool, you know that come tomorrow morning I will leave and you will stay! This is selfish, but I have always been a selfish man taking what is not or could ever be mine! I hold onto you for as long as I can because it is all I can do left, even if we aren’t good for each other, you are all that I know! With the entirety of past beds, I still can’t help but press up against you at night because this where I lay my own confessional and speak the truth of sins!”

There is another long pause, Lon’qu could see a thousand thoughts passing through the other’s mind, not a single seemed to tip the scales in his favor. With new found exhaustion and almost exasperation, Lon’qu leaned on Libra, carding fingers through blond silky hair.

“We part tomorrow, but I imagine all the destinations I might travel from here to home, but in the end, I feel that they might all lead back to you. That is if you wanted… Confound it, why are emotions so vexing, that I must force this feeling onto you?”

Libra, hesitantly, stroked the skin of Lon’qu’s inner thigh. For what, Lon’qu was not sure, but it was damning gesture.

“I love you, and if you do not love me back then do not lead me back here into your arms if you do not want me, that is all I can ask. I will be gone by morning sun and you can forget that I ever happene-”

“NO! But I do… I do… I do love you, I’m sorry for denying you, denying this for so long, but I was also denying this day would come, that we will part our separate ways and you will no longer be a tangible presence in my life. The God’s might not bless our union, but I can not let you leave, not now, not before I regret letting you go!”

The hand on Lon’qu’s thigh tightened, leaving new bruises reminding the brunet what had attracted him to the other man in the first place, ah it was this strength and prowess. Love expressed in this grip, letting Lon’qu know that he was not alone here on this plane of existence. Nothing has ever felt more real, than right here.

Their eyes finally meeting for the first time in a long time, and how could Lon’qu ever forget the exact shade of Libra’s eyes are beyond him, but they stare back with vivid passion and felt his words speak the truth. Lon’qu is also beloved.

They spoke on well into the morning, settling into new love and time lost, what was to become them and their relationship. Falling asleep only when exhaustion overtook their bodies, watching each other’s faces until that was the last image on each other’s minds. They would fight for their new future together.


End file.
